When I’m treating a couple in therapy and flashes of hate appear, I’m never worried. In fact, I’m more worried
I often think that fighting, when it comes to couples, gets a bad rap. First, let me say that I
Fighting in a relationship can be exhausting. Who really wants to do it? Isn’t it much nicer to have peace?
“When did you lose your voice?”, I asked Paula. She said, “I know exactly when.” Paula didn’t realize that her depression had anything to do with her marriage. She thought she had a chemical imbalance. Until the therapy with the family, Paula didn’t even let herself know that she felt angry at being shut out by her self-assured husband. She had given up trying to get him to hear her, and her quiet despair and helplessness showed up as depression. As the therapy unearthed these patterns, she discovered her voice. Her mood lifted.
For the last thirty years ago a story has been built up about depression that it’s caused by a “chemical
When this couple came into therapy, it looked like end-stage marital disease. They had been tearing each other apart for years and barely remembered a time when they were happy together. Then something happened in the session that totally turned it around
All marriages have divorce built into them. Often, though, we end up re-marrying the same person. This is a powerful–and painful –process necessary for growth, both as a couple and as individuals. In this post, Dave talks about some of the dynamics in marriage that help us understand this universal phase in the life of a couple.
Here Dave proposes the countercultural idea that problems like depression, ADHD, bipolar and other “disorders” are often healthy responses to the pain of unhealthy relationships.
In this post, a family therapist and our good friend, Raluca, shares her observations about working with couples who are caught in hopeless power struggles. She talks about how the power of play can unlock these couples from a dead-end cycle, creating a sense of freedom and possibility.
Most people believe that they can’t change their partner. “My husband is the way he is,” or “My wife is that way with everyone.” They imagine their partner to be a fixed entity. They see themselves as primarily responding TO their partner, a one-way street filled with frustration. People fail to understand the most fundamental Law of Intimate Relationship Physics: Each partner changes and helps to create the other. The only question is how.